The Doctor's Secret
by TenRoseShipper
Summary: The Doctor has a dark secret. He is afraid that if Rose finds out she will want to leave him, and she is the only thing that keeps him going. WARNING: cutting


Hey, sorry it took so long for me to post something, but life and college got in the way, plus I have a job now. I am working on other stories including a sequel to "A Perfect Fit" but it will probably be a while. Again, sorry. Anyway here you go:

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_Why did Rose have to sleep so long? Stupid humans and their sleeping habits. _These were the moments the Doctor always hated: when Rose was asleep and he was alone. He had nothing to do either. He had already read all of the books in the TARDIS, and there were no repairs to be done on the ship. These were the moments that his mind was not preoccupied with anything around him, so it wandered. That was a dangerous thing.

Whenever the Doctor's mind wandered it always ended up going back to Gallifrey, the war, and all the things he has done. He killed his own people and he had to live with that guilt every day. It ate away at him, especially during these moments. He couldn't bear it any longer tonight.

The Doctor went to the bathroom not bothering to lock the door. He knew that Rose would be asleep and would not be waking up anytime soon. Good thing too; he did not know what he would do if she ever found out his dark little secret. She would probably leave, and where would he be then? Alone. That's where. And the Doctor couldn't handle it if he were alone. She was the only thing keeping him alive.

Taking off his coat, he placed it down gently and rolled up his long sleeves. Scars, old and new were visible all across his skin, scars he put there. The Doctor had discovered how knives could be used to drown out the pain that he felt inside. His wrists soon became his own personal canvas that he painted every time he was alone.

He pulled out the razor blade he kept hidden in the bathroom drawer. Pressing the blade to his skin, he slid it across his wrist. The Doctor did this multiple times, and with each slit he admitted a small gasp of pain. Tears started to swell up in his eyes as he thought back on everything he had destroyed, letting the saltwater mix with the streams of blood.

He froze when he heard small footsteps coming from just outside. Hearing the click of the door he shot his head up and froze seeing Rose's shocked face in the mirror. She had caught him in the act. Silent tears were falling down his face while blood was running from the cuts made by the blade in his hand. There was no way he could cover this up. It was no surprise to him when she turned and left.

He knew this would happen. He knew she would leave him if she found out. She was probably packing up her things right now getting ready to go home. He would never see her again. That broke him completely.

The Doctor dropped the blade and slid down to cold the floor. He should have locked the door. He thought she was asleep. Now he had lost the only thing that mattered to him anymore. Loud sobs broke out from their hiding place, now believing that there was no point in holding back anymore. Why not? What else did he have to lose?

Needless to say he was stunned and confused when Rose stepped back into the bathroom holding a cloth and pen. She sat next to him without a word and took his injured arm in her hand. With the cloth, Rose wiped away the blood and kept dabbing each cut until they all stopped bleeding. When they were clean and dry she kissed each one, old and new. She set the cloth down and put the pen to his wrist.

Drawing a rose she said "This is me." The Doctor could only stare at her in wonder. "I know that you would never harm me. You always find ways to keep me safe, and when I am surrounded by danger, you protect me. So this is me. If you hurt the rose or its surroundings, you hurt me."

As she said this, the Doctor realized that she was not going to leave. She was going to stay with him. _She was going to stay._ He couldn't believe it. For the first time since he could remember he cried tears of joy. "Rose," he choked out.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here." Rose reached out and wrapped her arms around him in a comforting embrace. "I will always be here for you. No matter what. Please talk to me. I want to help."

"You already have. Thank you Rose," the Doctor said softly as he buried his face in her hair. "How do you do that? You always know what to do or say. Always. I love it. I love _you._" As soon as the Doctor realized what he said he tensed up. Now she really was going to leave him.

Tears now poured down Rose's face as she pulled back and stared at him. Seeing Rose's tears the Doctor tried to back pedal so maybe, just maybe she would stay with him. "I-" he started before he was cut off.

"I love you too," Rose whispered as she ran her hand through his hair. The Doctor looked at her in astonishment. How could someone as brilliant as her love someone as messed up as him? His thoughts were interrupted when he noticed Rose's lips on his. The Doctor responded to the kiss and put all of what he was feeling into it. He put his pain, his anger, his loss, his love, his joy, everything into that kiss.

As they pulled apart they smiled at one another. Everything was going to be okay. Things still would not be easy, but he would make it through as long as he had Rose. For once in a great while the Doctor had hope, real hope for the future, his future with Rose. He swore then and there that he would never keep another secret from Rose again.


End file.
